Our Birth Story

1 am on Sunday 15th Feb. No sign of B so we head to the hospital. I am feeling contractions however they are sporadic and far apart.

We arrive at Epsom Hospital, the car park is pretty much empty so perfect. We take ourselves as well as our bags up to the delivery suite and are taken straight into our own private room with a bathroom. It wasn’t what I had imagined, no birth pool and a lot more ‘medical’ and ‘hospital sterile’. We hadn’t been told that because of the induction I wouldn’t be able to be in a birth centre room. However once this became clear I rearranged the image in my head, this was the best place for me so let’s make the most of it. We turned off the big lights and a midwife turned on a beautiful light display that filled the room with stars and wispy colours, like the northern lights. A much calmer environment. We were also able to connect our phones to the speaker system in the room and filled the space with Disney Classical.

The next few hours went by in a bit of a blur. I was fitted with a cannula so I could be given antibiotics incase of infection and IV paracetamol. Later the cannula was used for an artificial induction after a sweep upon arrival didn’t move things along as much as they would have liked. The sweep did, however, cause my waters to break more. I was not prepared for the amount of fluid that would fall out of me over the next few hours. We had to put ‘puppy pads’ on the floor, we had to put them everywhere. I was a walking leaky tap. I would move or just stand up and flood the floor. Poor Jon was having to wipe my legs down to make me more comfortable. All my dignity was starting to vanish and I was feeling myself get more frustrated with the whole situation. On top of that, at some point another woman arrived sounding close to the end point, except she sounded like this for nearly 5 hours. The sounds of her screams started to fill my body with anxiety, not the oxytocin that I needed. I kept thinking ‘is that going to be me, screaming for hours’. I tried watching TV (Shrek or Gavin & Stacey) but couldn’t focus or push the anxiety away, so we put on my Disney Classical playlist to drown her out. To help with the physical pain I had a tens machine on my back, I think it helped as i had it on for 5 hours and kept boosting it. We only decided to take it off when I laid on my back and the pressure made my body feel numb. It is around this point my memory is struggling to see the order of proceedings but I’ll give it a go.

At about 7am they started the artificial induction. I had intravenous Oxytocin, it started very steady and was increased over 6 hours, increasing my contractions. This steady technique meant I didn’t feel like I was being induced, it all felt very natural.

At around 7.30/8am shift change occurred. In walk a midwife and a student midwife. I was keen to accept students into the room as they have to learn at some time. I later decided having a student with us was the best idea, she could assist the midwife with paperwork, offer extra support to me and also support Jon. These two women were like a ray of sunshine. Maya and Kayley. I didn’t realise at the time but they wouldn’t leave my side, they were my dedicated people. Having consistency really helped bring my anxiety down, as did the woman down the hall finally giving birth.

My first stage of labour lasted 6 and a half hours and consisted of gas and air and then Pethadin (at 10.30) when things got a bit too much. I was already getting tired so I was able to chill a little bit as they slowly increased my induction hormones. As I came round from the pethadin I began to move around a fair bit, as did Little B. At this point a more senior midwife arrived called Hannah. The monitor strapped to my belly kept losing B and made monitoring her tricky so instead the midwives attached a probe to the top of B’s head and linked it to a machine via being stuck to my inner thigh. I had no idea this was a thing, it was incredible and meant I could move around more and they could monitor B more precisely. Hannah had to reattach the probe when B managed to twist herself and detach it. I remember when Hannah first came in and my bare bum was pointing right at her, I apologised, it was not the first impression I would have wanted. In fact I was told off for saying sorry so much.

Something I found quite tough to deal with was being told I had only gone from 1-2cm’s to “a good 2cm’s” in 5 hours. I felt disheartened but it also motivated me to keep going and work harder, although I’m not sure what I could have done. They ramped up my hormones and I then rocketed to 8cms in about 2 hours, at 11:50!

Throughout labour, from quite early on, I struggled to keep any food or fluids down. I threw up a lot and during my first stage of labour I had to be put on IV fluids to avoid dehydration and exhaustion. At about 11am, when things were progressing more, the midwives sent Jon to get some Lucazade as I desperately needed energy for the second stage that was rapidly approaching. He came back with every type the shop sold - note to you all, pack some sports lucazade in your hospital bag, it was amazing and I was able to take small sips.

Before the second stage started I mentally wanted to push. I wanted her out so at each contraction I squated and gently pushed. Was it the right thing to do, I have no idea but it made me feel like I was doing something useful to progress things.

The second stage of labour lasted only 1 hour. I was on the bed the whole time, starting on my side, doing lots of mooing and not enough pushing. A note on mooing - it is a deep guttural sound, don’t go high pitched but go low, it helps you bare down better. I couldn’t get comfortable so it was suggested I went on all fours with my arms hanging over the raised back of the bed. It was here things really kicked in. A contraction would hit and I would bare down into an altered/elevated childs pose. I screamed, mooed, swore but also got coached through breathing by Jon. I focused on my music and his voice. Yes, at some point in all this, I pooped, twice. I felt it coming and knew I couldn't/shouldn't stop it. I kept mentioning it for some reason, perhaps trying to warn them. They cleaned it up quickly and quietly and were very reassuring.

I eventually got tired in this position and progress slowed so I went back on my side. I had 3 midwives at the business end and Jon with me. I was on my left, right leg raised with my foot pushing against Hannahs collar bone, I apologised afterwards. I was a few pushes away and told quite sternly how I should be pushing. No more noises, hold my breath and bare down, it is only now that I learn I was minutes from some sort of intervention. Although I didn't know this I sensed a change in tone. I knew this was serious time so I pushed with every bit of me. I felt like I was going to pass out but knew I had to keep going. If I passed out, I knew I had done my best.

No words can explain the feeling of your baby’s head coming out, perhaps relief. However once the head had arrived everyone screamed STOP! This is so they can turn baby and easily deliver the rest, which felt like a weird slippery eel. This sudden change of tone, from screaming ‘Push’ to suddenly screaming ‘Stop’ shocked Jon, he didn’t know what was happening. But with one final push, she was out! 2:29 pm on the 15th Feb!!

We went straight into skin to skin as we had planned. I had mentally prepared myself for not having this cinematic rush of love and emotions, and I’m pleased my expectations were there. I was in shock, I was exhausted, I was happy and just kept thinking ‘oh my god, what the hell is life right now’, everything just felt mental. After an amount of time, it was all such a blur, and once her cord was ready, Jon was able to cut it. It was then time to wait for the placenta to come. They gave the cord a gentle tug (such a weird feeling) but nothing was happening. I needed more oxytocin to help it release so Jon told me a rainbow had appeared for our rainbow baby and just like that, with a gentle push and pull it was out. It felt like I had passed a massive clot. Very strange. We decided not to keep it, each to their own but it’s not for us.

Unfortunately I had experienced some tearing. It was a slightly complex tear in the sense it was internal and also went in multiple directions like a prong. Little did I know I was about to experience the most painful bit. My legs were put in stirrups and held by Maya and Kayley and a young male doctor/surgeon walks in. I was inspected via both holes and given a local anaesthetic. To say I chugged the gas and air is an understatement. The pain had me creeping up the bed and I kept being told to come back. I was as high as a kite and floating between giddy euphoria and pain. I uttered the words "so this is what its like to be a gay man" when they inspected my back passage and my midwife responded "or just enjoy anal". The whole room melted into a fit of giggles. It was the most out of body experience, everyone laughing, unbelievable pain and looking across to my husband having skin to skin with our new daughter.